FINDING HAPPINESS

We all travel many avenues in our search for happiness, elusive, indefinable, yet fervently desired. The following 34 reminders by a Buddhist monk may help.

 

1. Stop seeking prestige.

What kind of person are you? The conceptﾠ of a “person”, the idea of our identity—cultural, ethnic, gender, sexual orientation, age, religion, hair color, political stance and on and on—is our mask.

Our personality is our ego. And ego wants to win. Ego wants to classify and categorize and announce: I am much better than him. I will never be as good as her. My personal labels include mother, wife, expat, teacher, writer, yogini and secular Buddhist, to name a few. But it is so liberating when I can let go of these identities I so often cling to and just being me, a human moving through her life’s moments.

 

2. “Flouting all labels is the best guarantee of freedom and the most flexible, lighthearted and joyful way of moving through the world.”

 

3. Stop seeking, period.

Seeking happiness? Love? Success? These elusive yet ever-present virtues cannot be acquired through effort. They are the means and the end. When we can truly stop striving for improvement and working for the weekend, this is the beginning of contentment. We are redesigning our lives to be more aligned around what is happening in front of us, here, now, in this moment.

 

4. “Pleasure is only the shadow of happiness.” ~ Hindu Proverb

 

5. Prepare to die.

Sound morbid? Facing impermanence is the most difficult thing for a human to do. It is human nature to seek comfort and shy away from change. Accepting the reality of anicca, of everything being impermanent and in flux, paradoxically enables us to remember death will come sooner or later and live more fully in the meantime.

 

6. “Yoga is rehearsal for death.” ~ Richard Freeman

 

7. Giveﾠup hope.

Or rather, have hope, if you must, but give up your attachment to the hope. Hope for the outcome you desire, but release the need for that certain outcome to occur and make you magically live happily ever after.

 

8. “The wise man has nothing left to expect or to hope for.

Because he is entirely happy, he needs nothing. Because he needs nothing, he is entirely happy.” ~ Andre Comte-Sponville

 

9. Take in the suffering of others.

Breathe it all in; love it all out. This counterintuitive meditation instruction (Tonglen) is one of the most powerful Tibetan Buddhist techniques known to Westerners.

 

10. “One with compassion is kind even when angry; one without compassion will kill even as he smiles.” ~ Shabkar, Tibetan poet

 

11. Send good wishes to your enemies.

 

12.  Practice metta.

Again, counterintuitive but super effective. Start with yourself and loved ones, wishing that you and they have happiness, health, safety and freedom. But don’t stop there. In time, you can develop your loving kindness superpowers and send these heartfelt good wishes to strangers and even your nemesis.

 

13. Shut up.

Spend more time in silence.

 

14. “The simple person lives the way he breathes, with no more effort or glory, with no more affectation and without shame…

Simplicity is freedom, buoyancy, transparency. As simple as the air, as free as the air… The simple person does not take himself too seriously or too tragically. He goes on his merry way, his heart light, his soul at peace, without a goal, without nostalgia, without impatience. The world is his kingdom, and it suffices him. The present is his eternity, and delights him. He has nothing to prove, since he has no appearances to keep up, and nothing to seek, since everything is before him. What is more simple than simplicity? What lighter? It is the virtue of wise men and the wisdom of saints.” ~ Andre Comte-Sponville

 

15. Don’t choose misery.

A couple of weeks ago, I gave a weekend yoga retreat. It was gray and rainy the entire first day. We had to alter our plans. It was easy to complain about the rain. But later in the afternoon, it was so cozy and created a lovely ambiance for our evening yin yoga session. The next day was sunny and bright.

We cannot control the weather, but we can choose how we react to it, our attitude toward it. We can choose gratitude for all things. Be grateful to everyone and every situation. This mindset is a great way to prevent sinking into misery and hatred.

 

16. “Happiness is not given to us, nor is misery imposed. At every moment we are at a crossroads and must choose the direction we will take.”

 

17. Practice.

Inner peace and happiness usually don’t just happen spontaneously, at least not without the help of alcohol or drugs or sex or whatever. This is where meditation practice comes in. Practice watching your mind, sitting still, being quiet. The mind is quite entertaining, once we can detach from identifying with every mundane thought and feeling that passes through it.

 

18. “Peace is a treasure of the mind that is not acquired without effort.”

 

19. Realize you are a fiction.

 

20. “When we explore the body, the speech, and the mind, we come to see that this self is nothing but a word, a label, a convention, a designation. The problem is, this label thinks it’s the real deal.”

 

21. Don’t believe everything you think.

 

22. “Thoughts emerge from pure consciousness and are then reabsorbed in it, just as waves emerge from the ocean and dissolve into it again. Once we understand this, we have taken a great step toward inner peace.”

 

23. Grieve what needs grieving.

 

24. “Grief is depression in proportion to circumstance; depression is grief out of proportion to circumstance.” ~ Andrew Solomon

 

25. Work with difficult emotions.

 

26. “Recognizing the emotion at the very moment it forms, understanding that it is but a thought, devoid of intrinsic existence, and allowing it to dissipate spontaneously so as to avoid the chair reaction it would normally unleash are all at the heart of Buddhist contemplative practice.”

 

27. Forgive everyone, even criminals.

As Ricard so succinctly writes, “Forgiveness means breaking the cycle of hatred.” Don’t be a hater. Let go of vengeance. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Doing so creates space for love and goodness to enter your heart.

 

28. “We are rarely able to see the criminal as victim of his own hatred.

It is even harder to understand that vengeance stems from basically the same emotion that led the aggressor to assault us.” ~ Mathieu Ricard

29. Serve somebody.

 

30. Karma Yoga 101. Think about the causes and effects of your actions. Doing good for others in need is a win-win. They feel good, we feel good, and the world becomes a slightly better place because of it.

 

31. Live the dream, literally.

 

32. Like a shooting star, a mirage, a flame,
A magic trick, a dewdrop, a water bubble,
Like a dream, lightening, or a cloud—
Consider all things thus.

 

33. Embrace where you are on the enlightenment continuum.

Enlightenment is a big word, a lofty goal, an achievement that takes thousands of lifetimes to attain. Yet, it is also theoretically and practically available to each of us, right now—and it’s absolutely free.

 

34. “If happiness is indeed a way of being, a state of consciousness and inner freedom, there is essentially nothing to prevent us from achieving it.” ~ Mathieu Ricard

 

Adapted from the works of Buddhist monk Mathieu Ricard., with contribution credits noted.

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